Welcome to the Middle/This is Where I Leave You

In Latin, the term in media res means opening in the middle of a tale.  Homer used the literary device in the Odyssey, but neglected to give Telemachus the predilection to announce to his readers  “You’re entering smack-dab in the middle of this story and it totally makes sense that  after 10 years, Odysseus is still alive since supernatural women are always hanging around islands and taking sex slaves these days!”  The curtain pulls back on action that’s already occurring and you run with it.

So welcome to a middle of my life.  In just a couple of hours, I’ll be boarding an airplane with everything that I think is necessary to have in hand for a year’s stay in Israel, where I’ll be teaching English to school kids in the northern city of Beit She’an.

It’s a strange thing to be conscious of reaching a middle. You are strangely hyper-aware of one chapter resolving itself and coming to an end, while the threads of a new beginning come into being.

Certainly, there have been transition periods in my life before.  College wound to an end for me three years ago, but I laughed off this idea of the real world catching up to me; I was a Classics major after all, and we’re a rare and divergent bunch who don’t tread the traditional path.  I don’t think that I was fully aware of what a huge progression it was to go from seemingly indestructible college student to a student-loan-paying, credit card-carrying, slowed-down-metabolism adult.  Gone were the days of late-night mac & cheese to chase down the beer with the promise of breakfast sandwiches on bagels to wake up to in the morning.  

When I rubbed the sand out of my eyes, I found myself living in Denver, Colorado in a very toxic relationship and not feeling satisfied by my waitressing job [nor being especially good at it] and needing to make changes.  So rather haphazardly, I quit my job, packed up everything I could fit in my Honda CR-V and moved back to the safe harbor of Burlington, Vermont, where I figured I’d regroup. When the uncertainty and dust settled, I had landed a lofty desk job at the hallowed halls of academia and had health insurance--woohoo!!

It feels hubristic to try to wrap it all up into a neat storyline where the linear events of my life lead to each other and to try to make it more complicated than it actually was for the sake of barely-passable literature.  I’d rather just tell you why my heart is breaking as I reflect over this life change and pack up my belongings to go to Israel.

It’s as simple as I made some amazing friends and they have changed my life.  My summer was spent by sun-dappled riversides, on mountain trails in the warm rain; paddleboarding in the middle of the lake where the sunlight splintered into millions of little prisms and time ceased matter; over delicious dinners and conversations that stretched into the night, and all to cacophony of laughter...It was the ultimate “you had to be there”, but that’s the funny thing, I don’t think any of us expected to become such great friends.

Since I’m gearing up to leave, and it tugs so at my heartstrings, it makes me realized that I’ve never felt so closely bonded and accepted for the eccentric and off-kilter entity that I am, as well as part of something that was so much bigger than myself.  

So, this is my homage to you--this time has mattered to me; I honestly cannot find the right words to encompass how extraordinary and memorable it has been.  You all astound me every day in being such thoughtful, intelligent and vibrant people who are so special to me and I love you all so much.  

I hate goodbyes so very much and I’m actually really terribly awful at them.  As a shorter person, I can never make the right call if I’m supposed to go over or under on a hug, so if you’d like your relationship with me to be summed up by an awkward and unsatisfying hug, it is my pleasure to acquiesce.  I will stumble and say the wrong things or can’t say enough.  Plus, no matter what, I’ll have wanted more day and one more dinner to have spent with you all.  But then I wouldn’t have to face the fact that life is made up of middles and I’m heading to my next one.  

So my friends, this is where I leave you….I wish you all the very best -- that all the big dreams you dream come to fruition [because when I come home, I’ll likely need you to give me a job at all the companies you’re the head of]; that you don’t freeze your asses off in the winter and your coat’s zippers don’t break on the coldest day of the year and the window’s insulation actually works for once; that a new tapas restaurant finally opens on Church Street; that your juice cleanses are flavorful and fast; that people finally figure out how to drive around the Winnoski parking circle without breaking randomly and on Rt, 7 they keep the 40mph speed limit; that you can get a table at Pho Hong quickly; and that I see you sooner rather than later!

So much love,

Hannah